forcing the exhale
i am caught inside that surreal moment
when the thought of breathing leaves me gasping for air.
quickly
and without warning
i am trapped.
stuck measuring breaths.
every moment
of every day
everyone else
breathes without contemplating
without planning –
they just breathe.
i try to relax.
and let my body take over
relinquish my control.
but its too late.
i am stuck.
incapable of breathing without thinking.
i am calculating.
controlling the inhale –
forcing the exhale.
trying to go longer between breaths –
willing my body to take over.
the constant
gasping feeling
is my daily struggle.
an inability to cease thinking
and just breathe.

peace rocks at the garden of gethsemane