examine my heart and my mind
thirty days into the new year, i am finally sharing my thoughts on twenty fourteen. luckily, my resolutions this year do not include punctuality.
twenty fourteen was a year of incredible highs and god awful lows. sadness and unparalleled anxiety were swiftly chased with blissful moments of feeling as though the whole world was conspiring to shower me with everything i ever wished for.
professional chaos was met with personal triumph. my eyeliner rimmed baby browns, gazed in wonder at faraway corners of the world. unpredictable events also forced me to discover the faraway corners of my own bizarre soul.
insecurity and panic were overshadowed by wildly empowering moments of triumph. i enjoyed rich, exotic foods and tasted bitter betrayal.
heart stopping elation and a feeling of security i cannot put into words washed over me when the sweetest boy in the world knelt on one knee in the pouring rain.
twenty miles into a marathon i thought i was surely on the verge of death. six miles later i crossed the finish line… empty but very much alive. i repeat my race day mantra almost constantly: test me lord and guide me. examine my heart and my mind. psalm 26:2.
exhaustion set in after sending one hundred and thirty four resumes to companies i had zero interest in working for. when none of the opportunities panned out i was relieved and panicked at once. a year later, by the grace of god and hard work, i am slowly but steadily being paid to put pen to paper.
on a warm day in july i experienced unfiltered joy, as my father walked my sister down the isle at her wedding. my jamie lee is beyond beautiful, but she never looked more radiant than when she recited her vows.
hope, psychedelic awe, and bone chilling cold pulsated through my veins on a small whaling boat in iceland. unparalleled faith brought me to my knees in the spot where the virgin mary was visited by the archangel gabriel in israel. i sobbed and took comfort in knowing this is a world of miracles. i am blessed with the courage to believe in things unseen.
on the hill of calgary i felt saved and protected. i washed my toes in the cool water of the jordan river and finally forgave myself for my sins.
when this website was published and my second blog went live, i was proud, determined, and ready for a new adventure.
i felt helpless while my grandmother suffered extreme pain. i witnessed unconditional love as my mother comforted her.
days after we were engaged my mister lost his job. months later he scored the career of his dreams… a job he was born to do. i am wildly proud to be marrying him.
every time there was struggle, it was followed almost immediately by splendor. every time i was high, i was knocked lower than before.
i bared witness to beauty and to pain, to failure and to success. i found dead ends and i found the northern lights.
and everywhere i looked… i found god. in the good and in the bad. he was there.
he was in phone calls from friends. in hugs from my mother. he prevented me from traveling wrong paths. he was in the disappointments and in the no’s.
twenty fifteen has and will bring a unique blend of magic and chaos. i resolve to do my damnedest to learn lessons from storms, remember rainbows and look to sunny skies.