unsolicited advice

during my first pregnancy every minute felt momentous. i journaled my experiences, my weight, and tidbits from each doctor’s appointment. i photographed my growing baby bump and compiled the images into a time lapsed video. apps told me what size fruit my baby measured each week. mornings started with a hearty and delicious breakfast. i drank water throughout the day and slept eight hours a night.

the second time around pregnancy is, admittedly, not the main event in my life. with a very active, very strong willed one year old to look after, it is easy to forget what week i am in. i am relying on caffeine more than i should probably admit on the interweb. lunch is often pieces of turkey, cheese, and cheerios hunter leaves behind.

and while i am not dedicating hours to journaling every emotion, i am treasuring this pregnancy in a very different way than i did my first. i feel prepared and confident. this time around i have a true and deep understanding that my labor and delivery experience will probably not be exactly the way i plan. i know i may not be able to exclusively breastfeed or even nurse at all. this time i am soaking up the final weeks of pregnancy because this baby may (or may not!) be my last.

yes – long sleepless nights are on the horizon.

but so are those raw and real moments where i am certain my heart will actually explode with love… the unexpected “how the freak did i get so lucky” feelings which have been known to sucker punch me right smack dab in the middle of a totally ordinary, totally boring or even totally disgusting mama moment.

i am armed with having seen magic in the midnight moon.
i have savored the peace of the moments just before dawn.
i have gone days without sleeping and somehow survived.

this time around i know – we got this.

i mean we did just have our first baby.
seriously we just did this a few months ago.

all the terrible, annoying, “is this bitch really suggesting i sleep while the baby sleeps?” advice is still ringing in my ears. with the garbage advice i somehow managed to not roll my eyes at very fresh in my mental and my second pregnancy nearing the home stretch i compiled a list of the tips and tricks i wish were passed along to me as i prepared to become a first time mama.

unsolicited parenthood planning advice:

• master the art of the two minute shower.
• learn to silently load and unload the dishwasher.
• teach your partner how to do the laundry.
• try to be patient while he destroys your favorite sweater in the process.
• determine which store in town has the best prices on formula and diapers.
• while you’re at it, come to terms with the fact that even though you registered for a top of the line breast pump and have amassed an enormous collection of nursing bras, breastfeeding might not be possible for you. know this now.
• practice picking up the remote and your cell phone with your toes.
• actually go ahead and practice picking everything up with your toes. pacifiers, bibs, your fork. all the things.
• order a water proof case for your phone because in just a couple of months it will be sacrificed as a chew toy.
• take care of your bills.
• make a family calendar of important dates.
• keep cash on hand to tip the food delivery people who will soon have your address and order memorized.
• have sex with your partner.
• seriously – have sex with your partner.
• stock up on toiletries, cleaning supplies, and non perishables.
• start doing everything one handed.
• learn how to wear your baby carrier/wrap so you don’t have to figure it out with a crying baby on your hip.
• store the pediatrician’s number in your cell phone.
• buy extra dog treats and new toys for your pup who will not get the attention he is accustomed to for a few months.
• keep a book at your nursing/pump station. reading can serve as a welcome distraction from feeling like a dairy cow.
• practice clicking the car seat in and out of the base and the stroller.
• eat faster. much much much faster. like don’t even chew.
• get accustomed to room temperature coffee.
• see a movie.
• stockpile dry shampoo.
• become best friends with your camera.
• teach your parents to facetime and skype.
• buy cloth diapers. they are perfect on the changing table as an extra layer of protection against… well you’ll see
• create instagram accounts for your parents.
• show your dog extra love before your attention is hogged by a baby.
• buy thank you cards and stamps.
• get your hair cut.
• trust your gut.
• accept your gut. your ever changing body will not look or feel like it belongs to you for a long time.
• master the art of politely smiling at and ignoring unsolicited advice from well meaning strangers like me.