create peace

when you ask a woman on the brink of marriage, “how do you feel?” almost always the immediate and repeated answer is “so excited!”

and with my own wedding just thirty baby days away, yes, i am psyched.

i would also like to admit, for myself and for all women about to walk down the aisle, there are other feelings too! 

brides to be rarely talk about the nutty dreams. the desperate, self inflicted desire to be stick thin. the terror of a huge pimple. the uncle who never sends an rsvp but texts to say he is bringing three uninvited children along.

the near constant worry about hair extensions looking fresh ta death on a windy beach.

despite guest list drama and weather worries, my mister and i are having a wild blast planning our bohemian beach wedding. we are curating playlists and shopping for bathing suits. assembling delicious menus and plotting before and after “i do” parties.

this last year and a half i have also been navigating an increasingly busy and exciting freelance career. god is continually blessing me with incredibly interesting and brilliant clients. i am so thankful for the work.

throughout these magical moments there were times this last year when my temper was put on trial.

family members pushed beyond their boundaries. i found myself too exhausted to review guest lists. potential clients pumped me for guidance and information without ever paying me for my services. people took advantage of me.

sometimes i felt more frustration than tranquility.

one day a few weeks back i was desperate to find peace in a severely chaotic moment.

while racing to leave the house i glanced over at a wall hanging displayed in our bathroom. the cute sign has a playful list of short messages like, “find the beauty” and “sing in the rain.”

there, near the bottom, the words i needed were smack dab in front of my face.

“create peace”

peace is not something which can be found.

like the patience i pray for everyday, peace does not simply happen, but something i must actively do.

i have to create my peace.

so i am. every day i am working to create calm in my small corner of the world. i cannot control the way people treat me, but i can control how i am affected. i can continue to focus on the good. the calm. the wishes instead of the weeds. i can promote positivity and happiness.

i can and will create peace in my own life.